Change is hard. As a psychologist, I’ve spent years exploring why some people can seamlessly adopt new habits or give things up, while others struggle despite their best intentions. It’s a topic that’s deeply personal to me because I’ve faced this challenge myself—with something as seemingly trivial as Splenda in my coffee.

For years, I used Splenda daily. The data on its risks, especially for women, is compelling: studies link artificial sweeteners like Splenda to an increased risk of stroke. My husband, a physician, repeatedly pointed this out, urging me to stop. But the knowledge alone wasn’t enough. Despite understanding the risks and having someone I trust encourage me to change, I continued the habit… for years.

Then one day, something shifted. A Navy SEAL colleague offered to pick me up a coffee and asked how I took it. I told him black with Splenda, and he responded with a firm, “Nope. Not going to bring you a coffee with that crap in it. Why would you do that to your body?” That was it. His comment—delivered with clarity and conviction—was the catalyst I needed. I haven’t touched Splenda since.

The Complexity of Change

This experience underscores a fundamental truth: creating lasting change isn’t just about knowing what to do or why it matters. If knowledge were enough, we would all eat perfectly balanced diets, exercise daily, and maintain flawless habits. The reality is much murkier.

Some people seem to have an innate ability to develop and stick to strong habits. They adopt strict diets, commit to rigorous workout routines, or give up unhealthy behaviors with relative ease. For the rest of us, change requires more effort—and often more than one approach.

Why is this? Behavioral change is influenced by a mix of psychological, social, and neurological factors. Habits are deeply ingrained in our brains, creating automatic routines that are hard to break. Add emotional connections, environmental triggers, and social reinforcement to the mix, and you have a recipe for resistance.

Why Knowledge Isn’t Always Enough

Many of us rely on the belief that information alone will spur change. We think, “If I know it’s bad for me, I’ll stop.” But behavior often defies logic. My own experience with Splenda is proof. Despite having all the facts and the repeated urging of a trusted loved one, I didn’t change until the right message came from the right person, at the right time.

The Role of Triggers and Accountability

Sometimes, it takes a specific event or a fresh perspective to break through our resistance. My Navy SEAL colleague’s blunt statement hit me in a way that years of evidence and advice hadn’t. Why? Perhaps it was the unexpected source or his no-nonsense delivery. Or maybe it was simply the 51st time I’d heard the same message, and this time it stuck.

For others, accountability is key. A supportive partner, a coach, or even a friend can provide the external motivation needed to stay on track. Accountability partners help us confront what’s getting in our way—be it fear, comfort, or simple inertia.

Creating Lasting Change

If you’re struggling to make a change, here are a few strategies to consider:

1. Identify Your Why: Connect the change to a deeply personal reason. Why does it matter to you? The stronger your “why,” the more motivated you’ll be.
2. Find an Accountability Partner: Whether it’s a friend, a coach, or a colleague, having someone to encourage and challenge you can make all the difference.
3. Examine Your Barriers: Reflect on what’s holding you back. Is it fear of failure? A lack of clear steps? Understanding the obstacles is the first step to overcoming them.
4. Be Patient with Yourself: Change often takes multiple attempts. Don’t get discouraged if it doesn’t happen overnight.
5. Look for Your Trigger: Sometimes, it’s a specific event, comment, or realization that finally flips the switch. Stay open to those moments.

Final Thoughts

Changing behavior is one of the hardest things we do as humans. It requires intention, effort, and often, a bit of help. Not everyone has the innate ability to make drastic shifts, and that’s okay. The important thing is to keep trying and to recognize that change is a process, not an event.

For me, it took years of information and one candid conversation to give up Splenda. For you, it might be something else entirely. Whatever your challenge, know this: lasting change is possible. And when it happens, it’s worth every ounce of effort it took to get there.